In an effort to better understand our surrounding solar system, scientists recently blew up the moon. Although the mission was considered a success - copious amounts of water were found in the explosive plume - the life altering discovery took a backseat to another, yet even greater one.

After extensive testing of an unidentified material found in the explosion, scientists found what they initially described as mammal tissue covered with a gooey foul smelling substance. Testing the DNA from the mammal tissue, they were able to trace its origins to the Kroogna Gister Blue (KGB) Whale, endemic to the Sakochawaiilin sea off the coast of Sakhalin Island in the former Soviet Union. Further testing on the gooey substance found on the tissue samples found it to be the equivalent of 380 proof vodka. This groundbreaking discovery has left scientists wondering whether these whale species and perhaps other species on the moon have in fact found a much more effective distillation process for alcohol than humans.