I saw the harmonica sitting comfortably on his rump on a table top made of the glued pieces from a broken down stump.

In an effort to better understand our surrounding solar system, scientists recently blew up the moon. Although the mission was considered a success - copious amounts of water were found in the explosive plume - the life altering discovery took a backseat to another, yet even greater one.

After extensive testing of an unidentified material found in the explosion, scientists found what they initially described as mammal tissue covered with a gooey foul smelling substance. Testing the DNA from the mammal tissue, they were able to trace its origins to the Kroogna Gister Blue (KGB) Whale, endemic to the Sakochawaiilin sea off the coast of Sakhalin Island in the former Soviet Union. Further testing on the gooey substance found on the tissue samples found it to be the equivalent of 380 proof vodka. This groundbreaking discovery has left scientists wondering whether these whale species and perhaps other species on the moon have in fact found a much more effective distillation process for alcohol than humans.

It was a long and hard election – not for any of us of course, because we (presumably) didn’t do much save for showing up to some lame ass “political” parties and getting wasted on chicken wings – but now its over, all over. Now we must go back to our own useless lives and try to evaluate our worth to this world, since sadly we can no longer live vicariously through the dreams of others.

So with all the stardust and glitter of politics having cleared the air, I have realized one important thing about my current career: it doesn’t matter how hard you work at your job, it matters how much face time you put in and whose ego you’re delighting and how often. So I thought to myself “damn it Raha, you can’t be cranky all the time and avoid talking to people by completely ignoring them and denying any prospect of a conversation because you don’t much care for useless blabber except when you’re typing for your newsletter on company time”.

You can just imagine how alarming this thought was for me. So in an effort to get to the bottom of this radical theory of mine and ensure that I don’t actually have to be nice to people or really have to deal with them in any way shape or form to get ahead, I started a thorough investigation. The results were shocking.

In an interview with Ankur Patel, B.S., M.S., PhD Structural & Mechanical Engineering, PE, SE, MBA, I discovered what an engineering lead is really looking for.

“Growing up in India I was very poor” Patel noted in a comment which was completely irrelevant to my question “and since 68.7% of the Indian population are PhD’s in engineering it was very difficult for me to get the respect I deserved as a C-average student from India’s prestigious Institute of Technology”.

“Now that I am in America, I am more intelligent and successful than 99% of the stupid lazy Americans who are taking up space in the land of my opportunities and I demand respect from those that work under me” he said to me with a dreamy look in his eyes. “I like to be told that I am right often, and be asked about how I became such a badass engineer and I also don’t mind receiving a free lunch every once in a while”.

“I also very much frown upon taking any time off” he erratically continued as his accent appeared to get thicker “I was never given such things and do not believe anyone else should”.

I did not pay much attention to the conversation from that point on. I had gotten my answer. Showing up to work – even if you’re just sitting there staring at your computer or updating your blog that nobody will ever read – and sucking up to the boss man is in fact infinitely more useful than any amount of productivity or “good hard work” you could be doing by not wasting time finding out if Bob likes the new remodel on his condo in Newport.

What a drag.

Ah! The wretched gloom of the early morning work day. The glaring light, its fluorescence reflecting off of the radioactively-decayed-bone colored walls, shining, burning into your retina; the miasmal stink of the musty air sneaking into your nostrils; the cold white faces of unhappy drones all around – all of this is enough to give an indication of the general theme for the next 10 hours of your pathetically disappointing life that lay ahead. This combination would be enough to throw you right off the edge of your sanity, were it not for that black tar – your liquid gold – to lift you up and tell you that everything will be alright.

Every morning it’s the same routine. The sleepy and desperate people, line up for their fix of the day. The coffee pot runs out about five times within the first hour of arrival, and every time the disappointment can be felt as someone has to walk away, dragging their feet on the ruggedly friction-ed carpet, empty Styrofoam cup in hand, knowing that they will have to wait five minutes for the next pot to be made. They are facing the first tragedy of their long and depressing day. If only there could be an escape from their addiction…

The coffee drinker can be characterized as aggressive and on edge, a real son-of-a-bitch if he isn’t constantly hooked up to his IV. But what about the other dude, filling his cute artsy fartsy china cup with warmth and aroma, the yin to his yang: the fancy tea drinker. The tea drinker is often cool, calm and collected. Although he may not be as crazily turbo charged as the coffee guy, he is sure to get his work done just the same, keeping a smile on his face and a dreamy look of hope in his puffy sleep deprived eyes.

So the next time you’re in that kitchen of your nightmares (also serving as the copy room), just remember that the choice you make will determine the person you are and will forever be. Either you choose to pump into your body the thick black lava-like poison sweetly named as “coffee” or you can choose to soothe your soul with the calm and wonderfully aromatic nectar of the mythical god’s, tea.

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As you can see the blog is still very basic. This is just a preliminary test post until Raha (editor in chief) posts a formal introduction.