It was a long and hard election – not for any of us of course, because we (presumably) didn’t do much save for showing up to some lame ass “political” parties and getting wasted on chicken wings – but now its over, all over. Now we must go back to our own useless lives and try to evaluate our worth to this world, since sadly we can no longer live vicariously through the dreams of others.

So with all the stardust and glitter of politics having cleared the air, I have realized one important thing about my current career: it doesn’t matter how hard you work at your job, it matters how much face time you put in and whose ego you’re delighting and how often. So I thought to myself “damn it Raha, you can’t be cranky all the time and avoid talking to people by completely ignoring them and denying any prospect of a conversation because you don’t much care for useless blabber except when you’re typing for your newsletter on company time”.

You can just imagine how alarming this thought was for me. So in an effort to get to the bottom of this radical theory of mine and ensure that I don’t actually have to be nice to people or really have to deal with them in any way shape or form to get ahead, I started a thorough investigation. The results were shocking.

In an interview with Ankur Patel, B.S., M.S., PhD Structural & Mechanical Engineering, PE, SE, MBA, I discovered what an engineering lead is really looking for.

“Growing up in India I was very poor” Patel noted in a comment which was completely irrelevant to my question “and since 68.7% of the Indian population are PhD’s in engineering it was very difficult for me to get the respect I deserved as a C-average student from India’s prestigious Institute of Technology”.

“Now that I am in America, I am more intelligent and successful than 99% of the stupid lazy Americans who are taking up space in the land of my opportunities and I demand respect from those that work under me” he said to me with a dreamy look in his eyes. “I like to be told that I am right often, and be asked about how I became such a badass engineer and I also don’t mind receiving a free lunch every once in a while”.

“I also very much frown upon taking any time off” he erratically continued as his accent appeared to get thicker “I was never given such things and do not believe anyone else should”.

I did not pay much attention to the conversation from that point on. I had gotten my answer. Showing up to work – even if you’re just sitting there staring at your computer or updating your blog that nobody will ever read – and sucking up to the boss man is in fact infinitely more useful than any amount of productivity or “good hard work” you could be doing by not wasting time finding out if Bob likes the new remodel on his condo in Newport.

What a drag.